Gliding through the abyss

And the screams started to get louder until she could feel not just fear but nervous excitement to witness an extraordinarily different outcome from the previous hysterical moments similar to this. But this time what happened was something that made her sick to her stomach.

She saw from the balcony the retreating figure carrying the bundle of joy that she considered to be a precious gift and had waited so eagerly for it to come home despite the demeaning remarks she heard about the latter being ugly and dark. Then she saw her school books strewn in the room, especially the new Islamiat book purchased by her dad just a day before and she knew now she will be left without support from that one person in whose bosom she found comfort. She then looked at the fearful faces of her siblings and started crying uncontrollably as a last resort to get someone understand her pain and assure her that the worst has not come yet.

She could listen to the background voices uttering words like "she wont return", then those creepy joyful laughters, the glee in their tones while keeping a check and congratulating who stops crying first...she did not yet fully understood the consequences of not having that support but still was prepared to accept the reality so soon.

Then she was taken to that mansion that was the hub of all planning and the haven for the destitute. Maybe she was to be protected by the proceedings associated with that retreating figure. Her heart had given up hope for the most awaited return, which was further confirmed by one of her siblings. She wondered how will she cope with her school, studies, eating and living now.

What she did not know then was that that special person in her life had only gone temporarily to set straight the matter which had plagued their life for more than a decade now. There was a search for some permanent solution...an attempt to put an end to a misery that created hair-raising fear in everyone around.

How is a 7 year old child supposed to cope with the intense dreadful feeling of a broken heart? Will this experience make her stronger or even more vulnerable when facing the outside world? Is a result akin to a sound personality in sight for that child in the years to come? How much consideration could be garnered for the shattered pieces of her soul?

I wish I knew the answers then....self-healing was the only solution.....

Cuestións of a questioning mind

And it all starts with the choices a person makes in life. Is being impulsive also a choice or just a state in which a person can still follow good judgement to make a choice or not? Does impulsiveness represent actually the spur of the moment condition or do certain life experiences, thoughts and opinions keep brooding and building over time to give shape to that crazy moment when we do not think twice?

Is it possible to eventually feel content for the motive the impulsiveness achieved despite the trouble it caused during the course of its achievement? How important a role a person's conscience plays in evaluating the pros and cons of a decision? How crucial is the interplay of the heart and mind when embarking upon that final choice one makes?

What is the role of destiny in all this? Should everything be rationalized as 'whatever happens, happens for one's own good'? Do regrets even count?

Is it possible to discount the pains of growing up when assessing decisions and actions a person takes at the acceptable age of maturity? Is there ever a plausible 'excuse' and a possible atonement for actions taken? How much does rationalization as a defence mechanism succeeds in putting a restless soul at peace? Is it even healthy to do so? Or should one's head hang in shame all his life?

I do not know the answers yet. Or maybe I do, but articulation still remains.